Three Invasions and a Funeral

These United States of America

Honestly, I haven’t paid any attention to politics since November 5, 2024 when the election results came out. I guess I’ve been crushed into silence and abstinence from news of any kind. Haha. I don’t think I’m the only one who feels like he got hit by a bus. The vibe of Trump’s win this time is noticeably different from the last time. In 2016, there were reactions: handwringing, indignation, anger and even rage. Right now, it feels like the air has been let completely out of the balloon. There appears to be no fight left. The capitulation looks complete. Everyone’s kissing Caligula’s ring, by which I mean his rear end. Understandably so. We’re dealing with two vengeful people now. Trump and Elon Musk. It would not be a good idea for any CEO or politician or whoever else who has any sort of broader economic interest to make enemies out of these two.

I’ll confess I’ve caught a headline or two here and there. It’s hard to miss the clown car when it’s rolling through the main street in your town. Trump wants to rename the Panama Canal to the USA canal. He wants to buy Greenland from Denmark. He is apparently willing to send American troops if necessary to get these done. Do we really need American soldiers for this? I think Tucker Carlson and Kanye West can get the job done.

Also, Trump wants Canada to “voluntarily” merge with the US and become its 52nd state. Else, he has threatened to rain havoc on the Canadian economy by imposing tariffs. Trump’s rationale for wanting Canada? National security. Per Trump, America spends way too much money on protecting Canada and gets nothing in return. O Canada, how low have you fallen! If the “merger” happens, it will undoubtedly be a great deal for the US. We will get to plunder Canadian resources while treating it like Idaho or Wyoming, which no one even knows is part of the country until they visit the Yellowstone park. On the bright side, we will gain some genuinely good citizens. Canadians are genuinely good people. In all my years of working with Canadians, I’m yet to come across an a-hole. Not to mention, we will have every (ice) hockey Olympic gold in the bag, till eternity. It would be a terrible, terrible deal for the Canadians. I don’t think it is a good idea to turn Canada into Idaho. I can’t imagine the Canadians want that either.

Another kerfuffle has arisen, thanks to Vivek Ramaswamy and Elon Musk. Vivek got the ball rolling by suggesting that America’s decline is largely in part due to its culture of revering the football jocks and prom queens over the nerds. He effectively said that most Americans were too dumb to do the jobs available in the country, and we needed foreign workers (read: H1B visas) to power the economy. Elon chimed in vigorously in support. Hmm, let’s see. First, Laurel and Hardy railed against schools and universities, calling them too woke and evil, and not worth attending. They even threated to shut down the Department of Education. Now, they’re saying that Americans are too dumb because they don’t take schools and colleges seriously. I think I’ll leave it to the MAGA crowd to figure this one out. But I agree with Vivek that we ought to treat the nerds better. A lot of the problems in the world today are being caused by nerds who couldn’t manage to talk to a girl or get a date in college. Sam Altman is trying to put everyone out of their jobs. Vivek Ramaswamy and Elon Musk are threatening to nuke the government apparatus. Where do I even start with on Bill Gates? I’m convinced that Mark Zuckerberg is an extra-terrestrial creature that is doing its damnedest to pretend to be human. The list of vengeful nerds who were once rejected and ended up playing video games and plotting mayhem in mom’s basement is growing alarmingly long. We need a nerds non-proliferation program pronto. It’s a pandemic at this point.

President Jimmy Carter was buried last week. All the Presidents and Vice Presidents (current and former) were in attendance, making for some interesting dynamics between Trump and the rest of them. At one point, Trump was seen saying something to Obama, who responded with a chuckle, sending the country into shock. Who would even talk to Trump, let alone laugh at one of his jokes, right? Kamala Harris even turned and gave them a look which reminded me of the look I get from my missus when I read her one of the racy jokes from my college WhatsApp group. There has been much speculation about what their conversation was about. My guess is Trump asked Obama if he knew where JD Vance was, and Obama honestly thought that Trump was making a joke. No one has seen Vance since November 5th. While I’m not exactly missing his grotesque beard and bizarre eyeliner, I’m a teeny bit worried for the lad. I’m hoping that he’s out there somewhere near the Panama canal, trying to figure out where to plant the new name board. At one point, Trump and his former Veep, Mike Pence, came face to face during the funeral and were forced to shake hands. What do you even tell a guy who tried to get a mob to hang you when you meet him in a church during a funeral? He’s the kind of guy Mother must have warned you about, isn’t he, Mike? (Just so you know, Mike Pence calls his wife “Mother.” Don’t ask me why. Don’t even go there. We’ve got enough on our hands already).

Next week is the Inauguration Day or the Insurrection Day, depending on who gets elected as the President of the United States. What comes after that is anyone’s guess. Whatever happens, we’re going to have to find a way to laugh through all of it. It can be hard to chuckle when someone’s trying to set your house on fire. Not just your house. Also Canada’s, Panama’s and Denmark’s houses. But hey, the alternative is anger leading to insanity. So, chuckle we will, until the flames reach the roof. Maybe they won’t. Hope springs eternal.

Have a great week. Adios for now.