The What Ho! Report

August 19, 2023

Not a week goes by without another Trump indictment. I had not yet taken down the third indictment party decorations when I read about the fourth. This time, the Orange man has been charged with election interference, which is another way of saying that he called and threatened the Secretary State of Georgia with dire consequences if he didn’t “find me another 17,000 votes.” 17,000 votes was, not coincidentally, the margin he was losing. Trump protested the indictment by saying they arrested the wrong guy. He is basically saying that he tried to rig the election because he thought the other guy was also trying to rig it. Unless this case is tried in the kangaroo court of Mar-a-Lago, Caligula is in trouble. The only good news for Trump is he loves orange, which is the color of prison jumpsuits.

Elon Musk claims that he has spoken to the Prime Minister of Italy and arranged for the Coliseum as a venue for his fight with Zuckerberg. In the meanwhile, Zuck put out a message claiming that “Elon is clearly not serious.” I, for one, am hoping the fight happens. It will be historic. It will be the first televised fight between a human and an extraterrestrial alien.

A song titled “Rich men north of Richmond,” went viral on Twitter last week. Sung by an unknown hillbilly farmer, the song has garnered millions of views. Clearly inspired by Trumpian MAGA talking points, the song rails against corruption, politicians, and the like and, not surprisingly, makes no mention of rigging elections or paying hookers with voter donations or encouraging insurrections or taking classified documents home. Maybe, he’ll do a pop-country crossover sequel once Trump lands in jail titled ‘Billionaires of Rikers.’

The excitement around the potential discovery of room temperature superconductors died down quickly once it was discovered that there are no room temperature superconductors. I am so glad that the metallurgists got their fifteen minutes of fame. For far too long, we have ignored the world’s second oldest profession.

The Supreme Court of India gave Rahul Gandhi a reprieve by suspending his two-year jail term for defamation. This paves way for Rahul to return to the Parliament and contest elections next year. The next time they do a roll call in Lok Sabha, Rahul should respond with, “Not Guilty!”

Rumor has it Apple is working on developing a self-driving car. It would indeed be exciting to be able to drive my phone around from place to place. Assuming that Apple does bring out such a car, is it safe to assume that it won’t have Windows?

We’re still over a year away from the Presidential elections. It is way too early to tell what will happen, who will win, etc. Wait, that’s not true. It looks a lot like Biden and Trump will be their party nominees. There was a brief period when DeSantis might have had a chance. That was well before he started campaigning. Vivek Ramaswamy is rising in the polls on the Republican side, making a strong case for VeeP. Trump is said to be completely baffled by the prospect of finding a word that rhymes with Vivek.

The Democrats are praying for Biden to stay alive while the Republicans are praying for Trump to stay out of jail. Biden’s people are doing their best to keep him from talking but they don’t always succeed. The other day, Biden claimed to have cured cancer. I’m not making this up. Biden stood calmly at the podium and told flabbergasted members of the press, “Folks, I have cured cancer as we know it.” Till this day, no one knows what he was talking about. In response, DeSantis issued a press release condemning Biden for curing cancer, and swore that “On my first day as President, I will bring cancer back as we know it.”

Here's a dad joke before I let you go.

Marine biologists say that they overheard a bunch of whales talking to each other across the ocean. Apparently, this is known in the whale community as a “pod-cast.”

That’s all, folks. Have a great weekend and a lovely week ahead.