July 31, 2021
Simone Biles, William Walker and other things
Good morning to all of you except those who are able to eat anything they want and not gain weight.
An amazing thing happened at the Olympics in Tokyo this week. No, I’m not talking about the epic showdown between Ariarne Titmus and Katie Ledecky in the 400m Freestyle finals, which the Aussie won, breaking the hearts of all of us Ledecky fans. I’m not even talking about Ahmed Hafnaoui’s shocker in the men’s 400m freestyle. The 18 year Tunisian came out of nowhere to pull off a gold. Or the 4x200m relay which was really supposed to be a showdown between the American and Aussie women swimmers but was won by China, with all three teams breaking the world record! I’m talking about none of these although they were all amazing. I’m talking about a world champion who displayed remarkable courage in stepping back from the world stage at a time when the world’s eyes were on her - to take care of her OWN health. I am talking about Simone Biles. It was an amazing sight to see.
We are used to our heroes being superhuman, showing grit and determination in the face of adversity, smashing records and setting higher standards. Simone Biles has already done all of that. She’s a four time Olympic gold medalist and much more. But it was inspiring to see the champ display her humanity and set an outstanding example by prioritizing her mental and physical health above all else. Let’s hope that the Tokyo Olympics goes down in history as the one which opened the world’s eyes to the importance of mental health, an issue that affects every human being on the planet. Simone Biles is the Greatest of All Time. And she will always be GOAT. Haters gonna hate. For them, I have this lovely graphic below. Pardon the French.
In the meanwhile, across the Olympic stadium at the other end, Liao Qiuyun, a Chinese woman weightlifter, had just finished her weight division. A Chinese journalist passed her a message from her parents. She had seen them just once this past year. If sacrifices made by western Olympians are immense, those made by Chinese athletes are incalculable. After all those punishing years of training, one can still be foiled in the heat of competition. Liao started as the reigning champion and by the time the competition was done, Hidilyn Diaz had surpassed her, securing a historic first ever gold medal for the sports-mad Philippines. In China’s “factory model,” aspirations start and end with gold. Silver and bronze medals count for little, often bringing shame to the athletes. Unlike Simone Biles or Naomi Osaka, high profile Olympians who have spoken of their emotional strain, Liao remained helplessly stoic. The Chinese National Games were coming up, she said. She had a new job to do. If you’re a Chinese athlete, life goes relentlessly on, in search of gold.
Fiji’s population is just over a million. Bermuda is tiny with just 63,000 people. There are more people in my zip code than in Bermuda. Both have won golds in Tokyo. How amazing and awesome is that!
Apparently, NBC’s Olympics ratings are down 46% since the games started. I swear I’m not responsible for this. I’ve been watching everything they’re showing. Equestrian, Rugby 7s, kayaking… literally everything.
Per latest stats, 57% of Americans over 12 are vaccinated. America’s vaccination effort, which got off to a great start, has now stalled. We have now fallen behind the EU, which had a horrendous start. At this point, Americans are simply refusing to get vaccinated. Enough is enough. I say we bring in a new rule: Either get vaccinated or you’ll be deported to Florida.
Nigeria is entering the digital age. Their central bank announced that they will soon launch a digital currency “e-naira.” Exciting. I can’t wait to see what the Nigerian email scammers do with e-naira once it is up and running. The possibilities are endless.
As enemies, some people are dangerous. Some others are even more dangerous as friends. Trump’s buddies are about to find out. A New York Times report states that the Orange Caligula reportedly pressured officials at the Department of Justice to declare the 2020 elections invalid and “leave the rest to me and Republican Congressmen.” By that he clearly meant that he and his allies in Congress would use the assertion to overturn the results. While he didn’t name allies, he mentioned Jim Jordan of Ohio, Scott Perry of Pennsylvania and Ron Johnson of Wisconsin on the call with Justice department officials. All three are now furiously denying having tried to pressure officials. At one point in the telephone call with DOJ officials, Trump said, “You guys may not be following the internet the way I do.” Yep, I know what you’re thinking. We elected this nitwit to the highest office in the land.
A short story: Once they were performing a sacrifice and the guinea pig put his hand up only because he couldn’t hear the question.
Humanoid robots is all fine but how about a smoke detector that automatically shuts off when I yell, “Hey, it’s just me cooking!” Or a WiFi connected mirror that automatically takes pictures of me on the days I’m looking good?
Iceland has moved to a four-day work week. Spain is now trying it out. In the meanwhile, America is looking into an 8-day model.
A history anecdote: William Walker was born in 1824 in Nashville, Tennessee where he grew up, studied law and graduated summa cum laude at the age of 14. He then studied medicine at the University of Edinburgh for a bit before receiving a medical degree from the University of Pennsylvania at age 19. At 29, he decided to create a whole new country by carving a piece out of Mexico. I’m not kidding. It’s true. Walker recruited a ragtag outfit and began seizing Mexican land. Believe it or not, Walker took nearly a FREAKING THIRD of Mexico before the Mexicans got annoyed and sent in the army. He fled to California where he was arrested on the charge of “trying to create another country by invading Mexico.” 20 years later, Walker somehow conquered Nicaragua with just 60 men and renamed it Walkeragua. No joke. By this time, all of Central America rose against him and he fled back to the US. After a year of rest, Walker went back. This time, he was captured by the Hondurans and executed. Finally. Way to go, Honduras.
It’s 2016. Tim Cook and Elon Musk are talking on the phone. The unveiling of the make-it-or-break-it Model 3 is coming soon, but Tesla is in serious financial trouble. Cook has an idea: Apple buys Tesla. Musk is interested, but one condition: "I’m CEO."
Sure, says Cook. When Apple bought Beats in 2014, it kept on the founders, Jimmy Iovine and Dr. Dre. No, Musk says. Apple. I want to be the Apple CEO. “F— you” Cook says, and hangs up.
So goes the juiciest allegation in “Power Play: Tesla, Elon Musk and the Bet of the Century" by a Wall Street Journal reporter, Tim Higgins.
Felon Musk has, of course, denied it.
Before we close shop, here below is your Vaccine Booster dose, a new tradition that begins this week.
Stay safe and have a lovely week ahead.