Dumb and Dumber

The excellent adventures of Donald and JD

In the 1990s, Pepsi ran many cheeky ads against Coke. In one of them, they showed a bunch of rowdy youngsters drinking Pepsi and partying to loud and raucous music, and then cut to a dimly lit senior citizens home where an old man looked mournfully out the window with a can of Coke in his hand. Pepsi, the ad proclaimed, was the choice of a new generation. I am reminded of that TV spot in this election cycle. On one hand, you have the curmudgeon Donald Trump, who refuses to leave home and go out on the campaign trail. On the other, you have a young and feisty Kamala Harris, who is out there kicking up a storm and shutting down hecklers with an “I’m speaking” glare. While Trump struggles to define and pigeon hole her with caricatures and nicknames, Harris has gone right ahead and positioned herself as the choice of the next generation. “We are not going back,” her supporters chant with abandon.

The election appears to be slipping from Trump’s grasp. It is still only August, and too early to make any definitive proclamations. But, the momentum has shifted unmistakably. Memories of Trump surviving an alleged assassination attempt have faded. Even Trump, normally one to make a mountain out of a molehill, hasn’t talked about it other than to say, “They’re telling me that I am the world’s fastest healer. They’ve never seen anything like this,” in response to questions about the lack of ear bandages. By “they,” I think Trump is referring to his personal physician, who doubles as his gardener in Mar-a-Lago.

Trump is flailing like a man who jumps off a plane only to find that someone switched his parachute with a backpack, but is more enraged at the color of the backpack than the prospect of plummeting to the ground. For the first time in a decade, he appears defeated. The MAGA circus tent has collapsed, the trapeze artists have fallen, the clowns are running around in circles in a tizzy, the lions have escaped the tamers and the crowd is gasping in disbelief. For sure, Trump has made a couple of half hearted attempts to seize back the narrative. He has deliberately mispronounced Kamala as ‘Kaamala’, ‘Kamaaala’ and even ‘Kamabla,’ to play into two of MAGA’s favorite things: racism and illiteracy. Another time, he held a press conference to talk about inflation, alongside a table full of items from the supermarket. Presumably, someone in the Trump campaign thought it would be a good idea to show a box of Cheerios just in case people had not seen one. The sad thing about these fake attempts, starting with Butler, Pennsylvania, is that no one is buying them. The only reason Trump would ever enter a supermarket is if he was in Georgia and someone told him he could quickly buy 11,000 votes on aisle seven.

To be fair, it’s not all Trump’s fault. JD Vance, the former hillbilly turned Yale lawyer turned venture capitalist turned Trump hater turned Ohio Senator turned Trump lover turned VP candidate, has contributed generously to Trump’s freefall. Think what you will about JD, you have to admit that he is efficient. In a few short sentences sprinkled with thoughtful phrases like “childless cat ladies’ and ‘post-menopausal women’s role in society’, he has managed to piss off half the population. Women are not happy with ‘Vancel,’ and they’re coming for him. JD was asked if he might have pissed women off, and astonishingly he replied that women had many more important things than abortion rights to be worried about. It’s not clear if JD, by “more important things,” was referring to doing the laundry, cleaning the dishes, and fetching beers and snacks during football games. It’s likely that Trump is regretting his choice of JD Vance. Vance’s unfavorability rating (basically the percentage of people who don’t like him) is lower than that of even Sarah Palin, which is quite an impossible feat.

I’ve been consuming more cable news in this election cycle than all previous election cycles combined. Not often do you get to see a Presidential candidate insult soldiers and war heroes and his VP candidate take potshots at grandmothers, all in the same day. Having watched Beavis and Butthead closely over the last couple of weeks, I am starting to understand their routine. One of them says something dumb in the morning, and the other says something even dumber in the afternoon to draw attention away from it.

It is all fun and games only so long as you win. The President of the United States is elected by the Electoral College, and not by a popular vote. So, this race is far from over, Harris’ momentum notwithstanding.There are still about 80-odd days to go until November 5, and in my opinion, it’s still anyone’s game.

On Harris’ part, it’s been near perfect so far. What her campaign has pulled off is the equivalent of a no-hitter in baseball, or a batsman smashing six sixes in an over in cricket. These things are not sustainable. One can expect a dip or a stumble in the days ahead. What must give Harris hope is that Trump has been her best advocate so far. He remarked, “San Francisco used to be a great city 15 years ago.” As it turns out, the District Attorney of San Francisco 15 years ago was one Kamala Harris. In another rally, he said, “If you vote for Kamala, we will have communism. And everyone will have healthcare.” Everyone will have healthcare in the world’s richest and most powerful country. Imagine that. Don’t tease me with a good time, man.

As always, have a lovely week ahead.